as an undiagnosed autistic child I was mocked for being different. now that I'm 65 how can I stop letting my fear of other people's perceived opinions influence how I behave in life ?
That's a very powerful and deeply human question — and an important one.
You've spent decades having your nervous system conditioned to anticipate judgment and rejection for simply being yourself. That isn't something you "just get over," because it's not just in your thoughts — it's in your body, your learned survival responses. But you can gradually unlearn that reflex and reclaim your natural ease.
Here are a few ways to work with it:
- Understand what's happening—When you feel that pull to monitor or hide parts of yourself, it's your nervous system trying to protect you. It remembers the cost of standing out. Remind yourself: "This fear is old. It helped me survive back then. I don't need it to protect me now." That simple acknowledgment separates you (present, adult) from it (the old defense pattern)
- Build safety in small doses—You don't need to confront the fear head-on. Instead, try small, deliberate moments of authenticity:
- Say what you really think in a safe conversation
- Dress, move, or speak in a way that feels comfortable, even if it's unconventional
Let yourself notice the outcome — usually nothing catastrophic happens. Each safe experience tells your body, "It's okay to be me now."
- Reframe others' opinions—Most people are too absorbed in their own internal monologues to truly evaluate us. When you notice that fear arise, ask: "Whose voice am I hearing right now? Is this a real person in this moment, or a ghost from the past?" That question can snap you back into the present
- Reconnect to self-trust—When you've been mocked for difference, your inner compass gets overridden by external approval. To rebuild it:
- Notice what you genuinely like or value, even in small things
- Make choices that align with that, no matter how tiny
Self-trust grows through repeated alignment between your actions and your inner truth
- Use compassion, not correction—When you catch yourself people-pleasing or shrinking, don't scold yourself. Say instead: "Ah, there's that old fear again. It makes sense. But I'm safe now." That compassionate tone heals far faster than self-criticism
- Surround yourself with the right people—Seek out others — autistic, neurodivergent, or simply kind and accepting — who see you. Being around people who welcome your differences helps rewire that old fear at a deep level. Every genuine, judgment-free connection is proof that your true self belongs.